Just what the heck is an NFT? A 100% accurate explanation

If you’re anything like me, you probably saw today’s announcement that ToughPigs will be offering NFTs and said, “do I get any of that?” I’ll keep this short: the answer is that it’s extremely unlikely. As much as we appreciate our readers, 99.4% of you are not part of the proverbial sausage grinder that continues to churn out articles about the Muppets day after day. All you have to do is read, and you’ll be constantly rewarded with new pieces to enjoy, for free.

Meanwhile, I have been racking my brain for new thoughts A Muppet Family Christmas so much so that my doctor says I’ve developed a condition called “mental ice patch” and the best I’ve got is an empty cigar box and drawings Becca gives me to play Hubba-What?

But if you’re just like me, the next thought you had was “What the heck is an NFT?” Even after reading Becca’s article on the value of ToughPig’s NFTs, I wasn’t completely clear on the subject. But you don’t have to worry about such things, because here at ToughPigs, we’re committed to bringing you the truth about things you should know about, like Mo Frackle. So after countless minutes of research I can explain everything regarding NFTs.

1. What does NFT stand for?

NFT stands for “Neat Fozzie Tie”. Isn’t it so stylish, with its snow white base, playful pink flecks and rosy accents? Why he’s wasting his time as a comedian is beyond me, because this bear is ready for the runway and a career as a fashion model. All he needs to do is watch out for irresponsible parasites and he should be hitting the catwalks of Milan in no time.

2. It doesn’t sound right.

Well, who is the scientist here? It says here in my notes – “NFT: Non-Fung…” You know what, let me start over.

1. What does NFT stand for?

NFT stands for “Non-Fungible Token”. Let’s break this down. Now “not” is the French word for “no”, indicating that it means “not”. Fungible, of course, refers to the Funj Sultanate, which occupied parts of present-day Sudan, Eritrea and Ethiopia from 1504 to 1821.

And the Tokens are a doo-wop group that has been entertaining audiences since the late 1950s. Put it all together and you will find that none of the tokens are not from the Funj Sultanate. Not Neil Sedaka, not Jay Siegel, none of them.

2. Doo-wop? African Sultanates? Why is everyone up in arms about it?

I don’t know, people are funny like that. Remember when everyone lost their minds about teenagers wearing punk outfits Sesame street? That was wierd.

3. But what does that have to do with computers?

Good point. Do you want to copy this article? It’s not a threat, I’m asking sincerely.

Anyway, back in the distant year of 2014, some doo-wop fans on the internet decided to celebrate the non-Funj heritage of their favorite group by creating images of bored monkeys. Why they picked monkeys over lions, considering Token’s biggest hit was “The Lion Sleeps Tonight,” I’ll never know. To make them extra special, they created a digital ledger of who owned which photo and put it on a blockchain.

4. Wait, what is a blockchain?

A “block chain” refers to Blockbuster, which was a chain of video rental stores that dotted the landscape from 1985 to 2014. It’s important to Muppet fans because when they liquidated the stores, you could buy a used DVD with Kermit’s Swamp Years for 99 cents, which meant you were still getting ripped off.

5. What makes the blockchain valuable?

Nostalgia! Gen Xers and millennials are super nostalgic for Blockbuster, and whether it’s clothing or board games, they’ll sink any free money they have into any item for it, and frankly, with the state of the economy, it’s probably a safer investment than putting money to some banks. At least Blockbuster stopped charging late fees.

6. How do NFTs connect to the blockchain?

Why, the internet of course! Gen Xers and millennials share their nostalgia on the internet, which is made up of servers. In addition to images of Blockbuster membership cards, the servers also have the ledger of who owns which image. Naturally, everyone wanted some skin in the game, so they expanded it from just pictures of tokens to things like pictures of baseball cards, Swedish philosopher Torvald Aprilskämt, and finally, Cookie Monster.

7. What makes each NFT unique?

To distinguish these images, they add distinctive details, such as another baseball cap, Aprilskämt’s pet herring or Gonger.

8. How do you make money on NFTs?

NFTs have value if you believe they have value. It’s like fairies or capitalism. You buy one NFT, say $312.28. So, eventually the run ends, and rubes, I mean, people start to feel like they missed something. Then you can sell them your NFT for $313.28and you made money from something they could have right-clicked and saved to their own hard drive!

9. Some say NFTs are bad for the environment. Why?

Now we come to the somber part of this piece. The servers on which these blockchains are stored are run by Prankor, an ancient demon responsible for all the bad things sold on the internet. T-shirts with Muppet fan art not approved by the artist? 100% prank. Their motto is “I Sell Sins” for a reason. To appease Prankor, the blockchain servers require constant energy to keep running. They are currently burning about a hectare of primeval forest a day, but we hope the nicotine patches will help them stop completely.

10. So should I buy NFTs or not?

Only if they’re real ToughPigs NFTs! Now that you know all about them, we want you to be able to buy with confidence. Then I might get something out of writing all of these Sesame street special reviews.

Click here to go Funj yourself on the ToughPigs forum!

by Matthew Soberman – [email protected]