FIFA announces series of bullshit crypto and metaverse games

Earlier this year, EA Sports and FIFA ended a partnership that had lasted 30 years, mostly because the irredeemably corrupt sports governing body had started making all sorts of wild demands for the rights to their name. EA went away, and FIFA tried to pretend everything was going to be fine. It’s obviously not okay.

As we reported at the time:

In accordance reports last October, the negotiations between EA and FIFA had become messy. EA wanted to extend the license to areas such as NFTs, while FIFA wanted to retain more control so they could partner with other companies. In the end, it appears that EA was not interested in paying the $1 billion price tag that was reportedly being asked to extend the existing exclusivity deal.

FIFA has been very quick to do tsnake partnership with “other companies”, which has already resulted in an embarrassing Roblox bindingbut things got that much worse earlier today when FIFA issued a press release titled “FIFA Unveils Range of New Web 3.0 Games Ahead of FIFA World Cup Qatar 2022”.

The announcement, which leads with promises that it’s about esports but is really about some awful crypto/metaverse crap, says that four additional FIFA World Cup games will come along with Roblox one, and all will have some kind of nightmarish web 3.0 integration.

First out is AI League: FIFA World Cup Qatar 2022 Editionwhich is a “4-on-4 casual soccer match, played between AI-controlled characters, with player input at fun and tactical moments.” This is a common theme in web 3.0 games, because it is much easier to design and implement. It also takes all the joy out of the game, another hallmark of web 3.0 titles.

The other is FIFA World Cup Qatar 2022 in Upland Metaverse. “Upland is the largest blockchain-based metaverse mapped to the real world,” the release states, “where players can buy and sell virtual real estate. Now they can collect official FIFA World Cup digital assets, including legendary video highlights from the tournament.” I feel like I’m back in March 2021.

The third, Matchday Challenge: FIFA World Cup Qatar 2022 Edition“targets the emotional pinnacle of football fandom through a highly engaging casual social prediction game based on football cards, where the essence of fun comes not just from ‘getting it right’, but by being the best among your friends.

The fourth is FIFA World Cup Qatar 2022 at Phygtl. We spent some time discussing how it would be pronounced before I finally decided on “Figen-Tull”. It doesn’t even sound like a game, but more like a blockchain fever dream:

Phygtl, a fan engagement mobile application that takes fandom into a new dimension. An immersive experience fans join forces with the mission to help create the global first digital reward for fan generation. Fans can augment a golden-globe soccer ball from the palm of their hand into their real-world environment, owning a limited fragment of it to attach and immortalize their hand-picked FIFA World Cup photos and video moments. A digital representation of eternal fandom.

It’s hard to pick what the funniest thing from all of these announcements is months after the bubble-bursting timing of the deals to the fact that no one pitching these has any interest in actual video game design, but got their bag from FIFA anyway.

I think the winner though is the fact that watching FIFA flounder around like this, with no idea what the hell they’re doing, almost makes you feel bad for EA Sports. I wonder how many years they had to sit in a boardroom with idiots from FIFA pitching this kind of rubbish? I’m sure the answer, given their sharp division, is “too many”.