Donald Trump’s ‘Major Announcement’: Urges Followers to Spend $99 on Badly Photoshopped NFTs of His Face

Earlier this week, Donald Trump took to Truth Social to tease the news that he would be making a “BIG ANNOUNCEMENT” on Thursday. Given that he already announced last month that he will run for president for the third time, it was hard to imagine what this new all-cap revelation could possibly be about. Would he tell people that after giving it much time and thought, he would realize that his time in office was negative for humanity, and that he would both suspend his campaign and retire to an out-of-the-spot life in the country? That he was ready to take responsibility for 6 January and what legal consequences that might have? That he had been quietly volunteering at a local soup kitchen since leaving the White House, and it had really opened his eyes to how the other half lives, and also taught him that small acts of kindness can have big consequences? It will undoubtedly shock you to learn that the answer was “none of the above.”

Instead, the former president and world-renowned grifter used Thursday to unveil … a set of NFTs featuring his face that weren’t at all convincingly photoshopped onto other people’s bodies. Each digital trading card goes for $99 and, as a political reporter Will Sommer say so, the non-fungible tokens for sale”are ugly even by the usual NFT standards.” One of them depicts him as an astronaut. Another, as a sheriff. In perhaps the most gruesome, he rips off his shirt, Superman-style, to reveal a six-pack. Included with each purchase is the chance to win a variety of prizes, from dinner with Trump to a one-on-one Zoom call to an hour of golf. (For added authenticity, we’re assuming he’ll cheat.) Buy 45 of these “digital trading cards” and you’re “guaranteed a ticket to a dinner with the president” , where he no doubt serves his guests only the best food money can buy.

Naturally, the former POTUS – who used his presidency to help line his family’s pockets – does not mention that the NFT market has fallen off a cliff. Nor does he remind people of it Melania Trump– who entered the NFT griffon almost exactly a year ago – reportedly ended up having to buy his own portrait.

Funny, per New York Times‘ Maggie Haberman, some Republicans and Democrats sincerely believed that this announcement would be about Trump’s campaign, or Kevin McCarthyhis bid for Speaker, only to see the former president deliver an infomercial about cartoons of himself with lasers shooting out of his eyes. According to the Daily Beast, while some people in Trumpworld seem to understand how embarrassing all of this is, others insist that this is the coolest thing a politician has ever done. A source – and we are not definitively saying that this was Don Jr. but it sure sounds like something he would say! – called the cards “badass”.

Meanwhile, in reality, even the Biden White House has drawn taunts:

Area Republican claims Trump’s NFT offer underscores his famous ‘tremendous sense of humor’

GOP legislature has non-racist reasons for not allowing Puerto Rico to become the 51st state

No, just kidding, of course it’s racist.